I have some really great friends. And by great friends, I mean- the best.
A lot of people think that having great friends means that you see them and talk to them all the time, but we are actually quite the opposite. Many of my friends have children, and those who don’t (yet) understand what it’s like to have them. And so there will be days or sometimes weeks that I don’t get to see or talk to my closest friends.
This bothered me when D1 was born, because I don’t think I was fully aware of the physical and mental exhaustion that a new mother faces. But after his birth, we had many friends who became first time parents around the time D2 was born. And by then, I had everything in perspective.
I knew by then, that a new mom (whether it be her first or third child) could look at her phone and see a message or missed call, and not be able to respond right away; and that she might not remember that she wanted to respond until a few days later, or maybe never remember at all.
I knew by then that a new mom would be so tired that she would value her baby’s nap time and the opportunity to sleep or simply sit there in silence, so much that she just might not want to see or talk to anyone during those precious moments alone.
I knew by then that a new mom probably doesn’t remember the last time she showered.
I knew by then that a new mom couldn’t sit through a lunch or dinner out and really concentrate on the conversation if the baby was along. And that she couldn’t make it through without checking her phone constantly if the baby wasn’t along.
I knew by then that a new mom would want to spend as many moments and hours with her babies, and that this would never really get old.
I learned quickly that the first year of a baby’s life often means that there isn’t a lot of time for mom’s life, and that she’s usually ok with that. When a mom friend asked if I wanted to get together, I jump at the opportunity, and assure her that it really isn’t a big deal that I haven’t seen or heard from her on a regular basis.
I just tell new mom that after that first year, things slow down a little. It gets a little easier to make it out of the house when there aren’t as many things to carry along.
My friends are great because we all know this.. and when our kids are all in college and we’re wondering what exactly we should be doing with ourselves on a Friday night since they no longer need us every moment, we will still be just as close as we are today. And we can finally have that dinner without interruptions.. or probably not ;)